Whenever you get in an argument with someone or find yourself stuck doing the same limiting pattern over and over there isn’t anything wrong with them or you. The problem is that your software needs an update.

Most people think problems are a bad thing. Successful people see them as fun puzzles to solve. Tech entrepreneurs in Silicon Valley love solving problems. They know the bigger the problem they solve the more value they can create for the world and the more value they create the more money they make and bigger impact they have on people.

You can also see problems as gifts. They show up to make us grow so we can become a bigger, stronger, better version of ourselves. The reason we want to grow is so we have more to give.

How do you solve the problem of not getting along with someone or feeling stuck in the same behavioral pattern?

You need to update your software inside your head and nervous system. You may have beliefs and rules that make it difficult to reach your outcomes. You may also have values in conflict with one another. If you don’t have a passionate, loving intimate relationship but want one you may have a belief that makes it hard for you to give or receive the love you want. Or you may value love while also value avoiding rejection.

Whenever you or someone has a behavioral pattern that makes you think something is wrong, simply catch yourself and say, “It’s not the person, it’s the software.” Just like we need to update our computer os and apps on our phones we need to periodically do the same with our mind and nervous system.

What are the best ways to do that?

Here are three great ones:

  1. Get a coach
  2. Attend a live event
  3. Set up daily rituals to condition your mind and body

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